The suit had never fit well. It bulged in odd places; it was too loose in some spots and too tight in others.
And it itched. That was the worst part.
But his days of wearing it were finally coming to an end. A couple of hours longer and he’d be able to ditch it permanently. There was just one more stop to make first.
He’d gotten through three levels of security so far with just the right amount of scrutiny, just the right amount of, “Let me see your ID, please, sir,” before being admitted farther into the building.
All he had to do was download the launch codes to the American nuclear missiles, just as his counterparts were doing in a few other world capitals, and then he could go home.
He walked down the hallway toward the fourth and final security checkpoint and repressed the urge to scratch.
It took longer to get past these guards, but that was expected. He waited with the patience and nonchalance of a man who appreciated the need for such tight security. He again crushed the desire to scratch at the itchy suit, knowing it could be misinterpreted as nervousness.
Finally he passed this test as well, and was only eighty feet from his goal. His cufflinks and tie bar would fit together to form a scanner that would copy the information from the Pentagon’s computers. It would take less than a minute, but he planned to spend another five minutes in the room for appearance’s sake.
He stopped before the door and put a plastic card in the slot. The door buzzed and unlocked itself. He stepped through confidently.
Once inside, he was surprised to see that the room did not contain the computer banks he had been expecting to find. Rather, it was filled merely with two dozen astonishingly well-armed soldiers, all their weapons pointing directly at him. The sound of rushing booted feet behind him ended his dream of ever seeing home again.
A general spoke into a cell phone. “We’ve captured the alien, Mr. President.”
Still, the spy consoled himself, he’d soon be out of this stupid human suit. His antennae and side tentacles would finally get to stretch out again.