“And next up for Open Mic Night at Barney’s Cantina is … whoa! I have no idea how to pronounce this person’s name. Just give a big hand to whoever this is and maybe she’ll tell you.”
A light shower of applause greeted the young woman as she took the small stage in the bar and grill. A couple of men whistled at her and she looked in their direction and smiled.
She was about 5 foot 5 with long, wavy blonde hair and a perfect hourglass figure. The top three buttons on her blouse were unbuttoned and she seemed to enjoy leaning forward just a bit. Her skirt was short enough to attract equal attention.
“Good evening, Barney’s!” she called, and was rewarded with cheers and more whistles. “My name is Mwffu Tywnx, but you can call me Muffy if it’s easier. Not like we’re going to get to know each other real well anyway … as my people are going to conquer the Earth tomorrow and enslave every last one of you.”
Light laughter floated through the bar.
“Yeah, it’s true. The Hgxx Ascendancy needs more raw materials and processing drones. Our home planet orbits the star you call BD+20 307 – and that’s really boring, guys; I mean, come on – in the constellation Aries. Actually, those of you who got through high school able to read-” boos mixed with laughter here – “might remember seeing something about our star. About how there was all this dust in the solar system, like there’d maybe been a planetary collision? Yeah, well, let’s just say that some folks play for keeps when they get mad.” The audience laughed again, and Muffy winked at a young woman at a table near the stage; the other woman blushed slightly and smiled back.
“Anyway, your star and ours are a lot alike, and my homeworld and the Earth are similar, which is how I can breathe the air and shop for cute clothes along with you.
“But tomorrow, our battle fleet is going to drop out of hyperspace just this side of the asteroid belt, glide into orbit, and start kicking the crap outta you folks. First they’ll zap your military capability. Then your places of government will be destroyed.” There was sustained cheering for this. “Yep, just like the movie Independence Day. We’ll be taking out the White House!”
At this announcement, the customers of Barney’s roared their approval and applauded. When it had mostly died away, Muffy continued, putting on an air of mock shame. “Yeah, I know, that would have meant more during the last administration.” The cheering broke out again. “What can I say? It’s a long trip and we had to make some stops along the way.” And her audience laughed.
“Those of you who survive will be turned into slave labor, as I mentioned, which means you’ll be earning even less than you currently are. On the other hand, you’ll have job security for your lifetime – whatever that might mean.”
“As long as they all look like you!” a half-plastered college boy shouted from the back of the room.
“Aw, you’re sweet. Actually, I’m pretty average looking for my world…” Another round of cheers and whistles erupted, and Muffy saw no reason to finish the sentence.
“So, drink up, enjoy your last night of freedom, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders. Thank you! Good night!”
And she took a deep bow, which was greatly appreciated by most of the males in the crowd and some of the women, as well. Then she scampered daintily off the stage and went out the side door into the parking lot.
Taking only a cursory glance to see if anyone was watching, she called her ship. The matter transmitter instantly took her from the Earth to a cloaked Hgxx scout ship in orbit.
She reported to her commander, who was, as she’d suggested to the bar patrons, even more strikingly beautiful than Muffy herself.
“Message delivered, Commander,” Lieutenant Tywnx reported.
“Good,” the other woman said. “It’s important we let our targets know of their impending servitude. How did they respond?”
“Most of them laughed at my words.”
“Our battle fleet will change their attitude tomorrow. That’s all, Lieutenant. Dismissed.”