OT: Double Secret Probation

Do you fans of National Lampoon’s Animal House recall this exchange?

Dean Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?

Greg Marmalard: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.

Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I’ve got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.

Marmalard: You’re talking about Delta, sir.

Wormer: Of course I’m talking about Delta, you twerp! This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus.

Marmalard: What do you intend to do sir? Delta’s already on probation.

Wormer: They are?

Marmalard: Yes, sir.

Wormer: Oh. Then as of this moment, they’re on double secret probation!

Marmalard: Double secret probation, Sir?

Wormer: There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution which gives the dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of campus emergency. Find me a way to revoke Delta’s charter.

Apparently it’s not a joke. At least, so says Oregon Sen. Ron Wyden, via Wired News. There’s more here and also here, courtesy of BoingBoing.

Comments

  1. Greg says:

    I’m guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since Thomas Jefferson warned of this in a private letter over 200 years ago:

    “The people are the only censors of their governors; and even their errors will tend to keep these to the true principles of their institution. To punish these errors too severely, would be to suppress the only safeguard of the public liberty. The way to prevent these irregular interpositions of the people, is to give them full information of their affairs through the channel of the public papers, and to contrive that those papers should penetrate the whole mass of the people. The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide, whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean, that every man should receive those papers, and be capable of reading them. I am convinced that those societies (as the Indians), which live without government, enjoy in their general mass an infinitely greater degree of happiness, than those who live under the European governments. Among the former, public opinion is in the place of law, and restrains morals as powerfully as laws ever did any where. Among the latter, under pretence of governing, they have divided their nations into two classes, wolves and sheep. I do not exaggerate. This is a true picture of Europe. Cherish, therefore, the spirit of our people, and keep alive their attention. Do not be too severe upon their errors, but reclaim them by enlightening them. If once they become inattentive to the public affairs, you, and I, and Congress, and Assemblies, Judges and Governors, shall all become wolves.
    –Letter to Col. Edward Carrington, January 16, 1787

    Unfortunately the people aren’t paying much attention right now, and the abuses mount. Inattention breeds secrecy breeds loss of liberty.

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